


Double Standards

by Writing-The-Impractical-Jokers (writingfanfic)



Category: Impractical Jokers
Genre: Female on Male Abusive Behaviour, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 13:09:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13764849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingfanfic/pseuds/Writing-The-Impractical-Jokers
Summary: For the prompt: 'can you write a short story (doesn't have to be no more than 5 paragraphs) of Sal overhearing a girl talking down to Murr and then hits him and he (Sal) gets defensive and says "oh, I heard and saw everything, don't play dumb" He gets mad at her and defends and protects Murr.'Of course! Based on edited-but-real circumstances witnessed. On a not-fun note, female-on-male abuse is disgusting and if you’d get upset if a man did it to a woman, do not do it to a guy.





	Double Standards

“Hey, has Murr actually pulled?”

“Why, is someone running outta here screaming?” Sal asked, looking Q dead in the eye, and Q smirked, gesturing over the other side of the bar. Sal turned his head - Murr was standing talking to two women, one a brunette in a red dress who stood at least half a foot taller than him in her heels, and the other a blonde with glasses in a green dress who, if the brunette was a few sheets to the wind, was a Bed, Bath and Beyond in a hurricane.

“Hey, good for him,” Joe grinned. “Someone fetch the poor guy a stepladder…”

“Whatever. My round, so if anyone changes what they’re drinking, don’t,” Q said, and pulled his wallet out. “Sally-boy? You still on… whatever that is?”

“Hell yeah.” Sal winked and took a sip of his cocktail. “This is a solid 14% compared to your ‘manly’ 4% beers.” Q rolled his eyes, and looked at Joe.

“Diet Coke for me, man, I don’t wanna drive under the influence of sugar. I’m gonna go piss,” Joe said, standing up as well. “Let us know if Murr leaves with both of ‘em, I mean, that’s a sign of the apocalypse.”

“Sure thing,” Sal laughed, and they both left their separate ways; not a second after they’d faded into the crowd, Murr collapsed into the seat next to Sal, cheeks red, looking at the floor.

“You strike out, Murret?” Sal asked, sarcastically, and Murr shook his head quickly.

“Uh… they were just both kinda drunk and annoying is all.”

“ _You can’t get away that easily_.” The brunette stepped out, the blonde giggling and clutching her arm, and Murr shook his head, looking a little upset; Sal rolled his eyes, and took a drink. “Didn’t you hear us? We said you’re _adorable_.”

“Thanks, ladies,” Murr said, quietly, and the blonde fell into an empty chair to his left. “I just wanna drink, honestly, so…”

“Talk to us!” the blonde slurred, and he smiled weakly.

“Honestly, my friends and I are about to leave-”

“No you’re not, because we wanna talk to you,” the brunette shook her head, and Murr swallowed nervously. Sal looked at them both, and the brunette stared back, unashamed. “Are you his boyfriend?”

“No, I’m- what?” Sal asked, and the blonde shook her head.

“You can’t go, because we’re having an awesome time, aren’t we?” she grinned, and Murr shook his head. “Yes you are!”

She raised her fist, and punched Murr in the arm; it was objectively a playful punch, but her blood-alcohol level plus her clear pettiness that Murr wasn’t reciprocating her drunken advances meant that she landed a good thump on his shoulder, and he winced in pain. Sal’s jaw dropped.

“Oh my god, are you telling me that _she_ hurt _you_?” the brunette said, and Sal saw red.

“Excuse me, but what the fuck did you just do?” he asked, and the girls finally looked at him properly. “Did you just fucking punch my friend?”

“Sal,” Murr muttered.

“He’s a guy, he can take it-” The girl said, and Sal swung his camera phone up.

“Say that again, please, I wanna take it to the police. Did you just hit my friend?” he said pleasantly.

“Oh my god, are you recording us? _We’re_ gonna call the pol-”

“New York’s a one-party consent law state, and I consent. So by all means, tell me how you punched my friend and then said he could take it ‘cause he’s a man.” Sal was nearly snapping by now, and Murr shook his head.

“Let’s just go,” he said, a little hysterically.

“Hell yeah we hit your friend. What is your problem? Is it because you’re too fat for us to hit on and your friend’s cute?” Murr’s jaw dropped, and Sal looked up at the ceiling for guidance and strength as the brunette folded her arms.

“No, but I am Sal Vulcano, from _Impractical Jokers_? _Comedy Central_? If I tweet this, you go viral for punching my co-star in under 20 seconds,” he said, coolly, and the woman’s eyes narrowed - the blonde gasped.

“Marnie, we gotta go,” she said, in a voice that implied she had sobered up, very fast. “Marnie, they’re telling the truth…” The brunette sneered, but it seemed like her fire was going very fast.

“Whatever. Can’t wait to tell everyone what a pussy your friend is,” she said, and they stormed off. Sal dropped down next to Murr, who looked at him.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and Sal shook his head.

“Drunk hypocrites. Would’ve been first to call the police if you’d done the same,” he shrugged, and shoved his phone in his pocket. “I got the whole thing, if you wanna press charges, but s’your call. Come on, let’s get Joey and Q, we’re outta here…”

“Thanks.” Murr looked at him. “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t wanna come across… you know. As rude.”

“Oh, Murr. I don’t give a fuck,” Sal grinned, and Murr smiled at him. “Don’t think I actually like you or something. Anyway, come on, let’s go, this place sucks…”


End file.
